On being black in South Korea: love or the lack thereof

"Assume you're the rule, not the exception"-Greg Behrendt.

I knew when I moved to South Korea that certain things would be different. I had read the blogs. I had visited Eat Your Kimchi hundreds of times and listened to all their advice. I was prepared for all the absences and hardships that come with adjusting to the Korean lifestyle.

What I wasn't prepared for was how foreign women in South Korea (especially black foreign women) don't expect to date. Like, ever. In fact, whenever I've brought up the issue of the lack of dating with groups of women, there's at least one person who sums it up with "Honey, this is South Korea!". Hmm. That's strange. Why in the world does it matter where we live? We are college educated, wonder-lusting, women of various backgrounds and ethnic groups. In my group alone we have women of Jamaican, Indian, European, and mixed descent. There must be some concrete reason why less than 1% (random numbers!) of  them will end up in meaningful relationships. 

In fact, I've never felt that I was undesirable until I moved to South Korea. I mean, I've started following 

blackgirlsrpretty2 just to make myself feel better! 

Then I started thinking...what about the men? Good question. Let's look at the three types of men available in South Korea, and why it can be hard to date them.

NOTE: This is just my opinion. I know several successful couples from each of the groups I'm about to mention. . 

Other foreign teachers: 

These men seem like the most attractive option on the outside. However, I wouldn't be writing this post if it was easy to date one. What I've found is that while most of the women here are on some sort of spiritual, mature, "Eat. Pray.Love" journey, some of the men here are doing the complete opposite. They're here to party, to sleep around, and to relive college that just happens to be in another country. It's feels as though some of the men are working backwards in terms of maturity, while some of the women are here are primarily trying to better themselves.

Let's say we find a mature foreign guy... He's got his priorities in order, he's handsome, he's got a great sense of humor (etc.) He's Mr.Right, you just know it!Well, so can all the other foreign women, and Korean women.Korean women seem to adore foreign men (this will have to be another blog post) and the men don't seem to mind.

So now, instead of outnumbering available men 5:1, it's 5,000:1. These odds are not "ever in your favor". This pushes black women even further down the totem. I think it goes 1) Korean women 2) White foreign women 3) Ethnic foreign women. Statistically speaking, you're better off looking for:

Native Korean men: 

Why wouldn't you try a Korean guy? Be open to the possibility. Wait, I was wrong before! THIS is the most attractive option. Why not find yourself an Oppa?There are literally millions of Korean men in Korea, tall Korean men, short Korean men, big, small, funny, handsome or cute. What's your flavor? The point is, options are seemingly limitless! Well, sort of. First off, cross off any first-born son on your list. Most likely these men are expected to carry on the family line. Hint: not with a foreign woman! Secondly, cross of majority of men for the fact that they won't approach you. Why? Well, it's not really the culture here for men to just walk up and hit on a woman they find attractive. In fact, it seems to be considered strange. 

The majority of Korean men that will hit on you in a bar or at a cafe are:

1. Jay Park wannabes. with the assumption all Ethnic women are video vixens,or
2. General creepers, who've seen Gossip Girl, and assume all American/ Ethnic women are easy sex, or
3. Just wanting to practice their English

In addition, if you can get past all these hurdles, there are still plenty of cultural hurdles to cross. Especially if you're a IEW or independent Ethnic woman. What if you want a guy that gets Fresh Prince jokes, or knows every Kevin Hart joke? In that case you might want:

American Army men:

These big, burly, standards of Freedom are another pool of men to try and date. They get it! They're a fresh breath of air, and most likely prefer IEW to Korean women! What a perfect solution. Except... most of these men are in relationships, some of them are even married. That won't stop them from pursuing you, but buyer beware! I've had several friends get involved only to find out that not only were they not the only woman, they weren't even woman number two or three! 

So, there you have it. An extremely generalized view of the men available to date and love in South Korea. I'm not trying to discourage anyone from being a romantic in this country, I just want to assure some pretty girls that though the dating climate in this country can make you feel unwanted or "unpretty", you are fabulous. 

Much love,

xoxo Imani